Handjob, bland job.. I still need a job!

As I mentioned in my last post - I have recently returned to the USA from England.  I am STILL looking for full time work!  Don't worry, I'll find something, soon I hope!  Earlier today, while searching online for *jobs*, I found this video.  It's made me laugh.  And, weirdly, a few minutes later when I signed into Spotify I discovered that a friend of mine (@barnsleysime on twitter - he runs his own online radio station, do check him out!) had JUST listened to this!

The song is called "Handjob, Bland Job, I Don't Understand Job" by Garfunkle and Oates.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  The lyrics are a scream - and include such gems as "Trying not to go Psycho on your Alfred Hitchcock" *grins*

 

Warning - Explicit Lyrics :D

(This link is for the official video (much better version, but I cannot embed it here) Handjob, Bland Job, I Don't Understand Job ) Video below is older, not bad but the sound isn't as good!  Do click the link and watch the official vid.  It's so worth it, there's dancing and stuff! x

Ohhh! And DO support my friend Stevyn Colgan's New Book on Unbound ! You will love it, or I'll eat my own shoe!  You can also visit his blog

xx

Things I miss..

It's been about three years since I've bothered to blog.  Without going into too much detail, I really didn't have anything positive to say, so I just said nothing. Also, I'm not a writer.  Most of this will probably just sound like a silly woman babbling - which if you know me, is normal :)

My life has changed drastically since 2009 when I started this blog.  It's been a little stressful.  I ended my marriage of 10 years, left England, a country I love dearly and have lived in for the past 10.5 years.. and saddest of all, I left behind my step children and grand children.  Not a day goes by that I don't think about them and wish things had gone differently.  I'm hoping to someday move back, that is my dream :)

And.. I've also realized that I miss a lot of other things that I never thought possible. Like mushy peas!  Oh, I can buy them here - if I want to pay £2.59 a tin! Or McVitie's Milk Chocolate Digestives, which I rather liked with my coffee, those would cost me £5.29 for a small package!  I have found HP Fruity Sauce (yum!) at the same store - and recently it's been on clearance - half price, down from £3.99 to £1.99  I now have 4 bottles of it :D

Last night, I went with an old friend of mine to a local so called "British/Irish Pub" here in Battle Creek, Mi.  It's called The Griffin .They did have some British type foods on the menu - Bubble and Squeak, Fish n Chips and Shepherds Pie, but my friend said they were rubbish so I stuck with basic munchies, fried mushrooms and cheese sticks! Tasty!  They also have quite a lot of beers, ales, stouts and bitters (Click to view their Beer & Cigar Menu ) most of which I didn't recognize as I am not a drinker of such ickiness ;)  I stick to the boozier fare, had a couple (5) Cosmopolitans - lovely!  Have you ever tried ordering a Cosmopolitan in a pub back in the UK?  I got a lot of weird blank faces gawping back at me.  The building looks nothing like a British/Irish pub really, and the flags outside puzzled me, so I asked the ever reliable Twitter - and got a two helpful replies.  Ireland: Provincial Flags (via @stevyncolgan ) and Flags of Ireland (via @ewarthale ).  The bartender didn't even know what they were. Thank you boys :)

Where I live now, is kind of in the middle of no where.  Nearest *useful* shop is 4 and a bit miles.  I cannot walk there.  I miss being able to get up and walk to the shop, the butchers, cafe and post office.  I need a car to get anywhere here, even to catch a bus (which I would catch at that store 4 and a bit miles away)!  There really isn't much public transportation anyway.  Yes, there are buses but only in town - they don't travel from town to town.. nor out where I live.  It's very frustrating.  I miss walking.  I know, I could go out and walk in a big one mile circle - but to no where and the scenery isn't that great.

I also very much miss certain shops.  Like Boots ! I've recently found Boots USA but they only sell Boots brand products - which is OK, but what I really miss is the Soap & Glory and Sanctuary Spa products they!  Yeah, I can find Soap & Glory products here at a couple different sites, but it's much more expensive and the selection isn't all that great!  I can't find Sanctuary Spa anywhere here - if anyone knows where I can find it in the USA - DO let me know.  I'm lost without my favorite moisturizer :-/  I am also very much missing everything about Marks & Spencer , particularly the food!

As I said, I am hoping to one day save up and move back - be near the kids.  Until then, I will miss a very special place that has become my home. x

A most memorable Halloween...

Halloween is my second favorite time of year - after Christmas...of course. But, Brits - they do not do Halloween properly, mighty sad really. I would STILL trick-or-treat, if I could. We hardly get ANY kids around here - and I EVEN DRESS UP!! Pfft..... Anyway....

I think I was 19 (yes...NINETEEN) the last time I went trick-or-treating, and I paid dearly for it. I went as the ghost of Mickey Mouse (sheet with two wholes cut out the top for the Mickey Mouse ears, and two for my eyes). My cousin Wendy drew a nice big black nose on the front of the sheet with a permenant marker. By the way, she went as a cowgirl ghost (sheet, red cowgirl hat, gun holster and cowgirl boots). The sheets were meant to cover our, ummm...age (hehehe). So anyway, we are walking around our lovely neighbourhood in Orlando, Florida, and wouldn't you know....it rained. The rain made my lovely Mickey Mouse nose bleed and spread across the sheet like a cheesy Mario mustache! When we got home, I took my sheet off to gasps of horror - the permanent marker had blead thru the sheet and all over my face.

Yet I STILL love Halloween! BOO!

Spoons

As a child, and often as an inebriated adult, I have played a card game called Spoons. It's simple. It's fun. It's stupid. Best played in a large group of fun people (or drunk people). Since some of my www.twitter.com friends and I are getting together this summer, I thought a rousing game of Spoons would be a good idea. So, I decided that maybe I should explain how to play it, although it's quite simple. Monkeys at the Detroit Zoo play it.

Anyway...I was looking online, just out of curiosity, to see if there are any rules out there on the net for playing Spoons. There is - but none of them so far are the Spoons I played as a child. Most of them I've found are very complicated! WHY would you want to confuse a small child or inebriated adult? I don't get this. So...here below, you will find MY rules for playing spoons. Very simple rules, that even a young inebriated adult monkey could learn to play.

Spoons

1. It's a card game. So you need a deck of cards, minus the jokers. You also need a few folks, here is where its better to have jokers. I would say for maximum funness you need at least 4 or 5 folks but better with more. If you have 8 or more players, you can use two decks of cards, but then the rules will change slightly.
2. It's a card game, with Spoons. So you need spoons. Not tea spoons, the larger ones. Not a ladle or a large serving spoon, or one of those sharp little grapefruit spoons, but a dessert spoon or soup spoon will do. You need one for each player, minus one. So, if you have 7 players, you will have.......yes that's right, 6 spoons. Very good. (Incidentally, do NOT substitute another utensil for a spoon. No knives or forks - that would just be silly)
3. Place the spoons in the center of the table so that each player can easily reach a spoon.
4. Deal the cards. The dealer shuffles the deck (or decks depending on the number of players) and then deals out 3 cards to each player (4 cards if you are using two decks, see No. 1).  The dealer, then keeps the pile in front of him/her.   The object is to get THREE OF A KIND (4 if you are using two decks). Now, just so there is no confusion, three of a kind is three 3's, three Kings, etc. Three hearts or three spades doesn't cut it. So don't try it, just makes you look stupid and lame. 
5. When each player is ready, the dealer takes the top card off the pile and looks at it (not letting anyone else see it) and then decides if he/she wants that card. If he/she does want it - he then puts it in his hand and discards a card. If he doesn't want it, he discards it. Now, the discarded card then gets passed to the player on his/her right. Who then picks it up, looks, decides, keeps/passes/discards..etc. Passing the cards always to the right.
6. The game should move fast, so the dealer will pick up cards, one at a time quickly, decide and pass it on. It needs to move fast, so everyone gets a chance to see the cards.
7. Once the dealer gets to the bottom of the deck, there should be a pile to his left (if everyone is passing the card to their right when they discard or reject). He then starts taking cards from that pile, and continues on until someone gets.....
8. Now when you get THREE of a kind (FOUR if you are using two decks, FFS read the rules!), you reach up and take a spoon. Once someone has taken a spoon, then the everyone grabs for a spoon! So, if you see someone reaching for a spoon, you need to be quick. If you do NOT get a spoon, sadly...you are a loser and you are out of the game. Go and watch telly. The drunk folks are playing spoons.
9. This continues on until you are down to two players, and one spoon....its very intense now....both players paranoid, watching each other for the slightest twitch or movement. Who will win the title of Spoons Champion!?!?

Anyway...that is Spoons. If you find these rules in anyway complicated, or think this game is stupid. Well....bugger off, yeah? But do leave a comment before you do :)